And I'm Feelin' Good

1:14 PM It's Oh So Quiet.

whoosh. and 8 months of the year has past by in a sweeping flash. Pace of school life has only been on a steep rise and with almost no rest we've raced to this point.

The next few weeks will be a killer with Inventio, Arabian Nights text and dance, Open House '07, IMPENDING PROMOS (i.e. homework and revisiiiooonnnnn). And after that it'll be into full swing for Arabian Nights.

Its definitely been a steep and intense learning curve, but all the more oddly satisfying. And there's no need to worry about me drying up or breaking down, because lazy me will take whatever opportunity I can to catch my breath, sleep and stone. Right now would be an excellent example. Even though I really should be doing my Agamemnon reflections, character profiling for Inventio etc etc. But despite all this I always seem to pass up my work on time in the end, without suffering too much loss of sleep.

I hope this cycle continues to work for me as I have to face my first year-end exam in years. Uh huh, in RGS we worked topically, each assessment only covering a few topics each. Lovely RP. It's been a long while since I needed to consolidate all my learning of the year or years. Lit doesn't bother me, its progressive learning that doesn't work topically. Econs isn't too bad, topics are built up on one another. The thing that sort of worries me is MATTHHHH. yes oh glorious math. It doesn't help that I really don't see much point in math. I have managed to pass okay so far, but. grah.

The humanities scholarship which I am not keen on losing also hangs in the balance. I possibly need all Bs and above. maybe one C here or there but. AHHHHHHHH. Terms was an A, C, C, D, E.

Oh, the practicality of life. Which reminds me, I should register for SATs soon.

A world of dew,
and within every dewdrop
a world of struggle.

raggedy muse

9:59 PM And I Wonder What Life Has In Store For Me.

And here I am sitting here. Lamenting about nothing.
Apprehensive, anticipating, hopeful, empty.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

A second stops to take a breath,
Some say angels are passing over head.

raggedy muse

11:54 AM Rainy Days And Mondays Always Get Me Down.

泪雨

天空又在哭泣,
泪洒满地.
无怨无悔的回忆
抱在怀里，放弃.
烙在地面的泪迹
只能随着雨，流离.
我的心，也跟着滴.

-ling

raggedy muse

11:24 PM We're Just Ordinary People.

People
Some people talk and talk
and never say a thing.
Some people look at you
and birds begin to sing.
Some people laugh and laugh
and yet you want to cry.
Some people touch your hand
and music fills the sky.
- Charlotte Zolotow

raggedy muse

9:34 PM I've Got Loverrllyy Bunch Of Coconuts.

yes, drawing inspiration from Mark and Jas,

WHAT I FIND BLOODY DARN SEXY. (In no particular order)

one. Long luscious hair.
(The sort I'm aiming to achieve, haha.)

two. A smooth sexxxxaaayyyyy voice
(Like Doris Day, Frank Sinatra, or Szus. And someone. Ha.)

three. A lovely stunning smile/laugh.
(Nothing beats a person postively beaming.)

four. A love for little kids.
( I swear when I see a guy playing with kids and enjoying it and looking so adorabbblleee, I melt.)

five. An immense care for others.
(Exemplified by the littlest of gestures of comfort that mean so much.)

six. A gentle touch and tender grip.
(Big lovely hands.)

seven. Slender wrists.
(Yes its super sexy. Somehow.)

eight. Yes, long sleeved shirts on guys worn the RIGHT WAY.
(No upturned collars pleaaassseee, or too many buttons unbuttoned. Please fold the sleeves to the right length. The tucking in or out matters too.)

nine. A grasp of language.
(Ahhh a man who can read, write, express and interpret. SEXY.)

ten. A Gentleman
(Who makes you feel important, significant and loved.)

eleven. Pure unadulterated passion.
(Nothing beats drive and fire, no?)

twelve. An appreciation for beauty, art and life.
(Nothing exudes sexiness like this does)

thirteen. A gaze that sees right through you.
(As if you were the ony person existant, as if there was you and only you. And a second stops and takes a breath.)

raggedy muse

8:13 PM Catch A Falling Star And Put It In Your Pocket,

round and round, where it stops, no one knows.

Once again, my thoughts go back to pot.
Round about in figures of 8, 9 and 10, i forgot?
Ending up in the same spot
Same ol' spot.

It's not pining, not quite, no.
It's not painful, not quite, no.
On a scale of 1 to 10...
3, 5, 7, and then?

I thought I had an epiphany that one day,
Listening to what other people had to say.
And then I thought, 'Nay.'
I think I know the difference between black, white and gray?

Once again my thoughts go back to pot.
Round about in circles
Back to the same spot.

I now know what I know and what I do not,
I think from this experience I might grow alot?

2, 4, 6 centimetres i might,
I'll get to see alot more light.
I'm quite sure I'm quite right
The difference between day and night, black to white, wrong from right?

On and on the thoughts flow, why is it so I don't know, not now please, not now, its been too long and you're too high from the ground, round and round, round and round, we all fall down.

Catch a falling star,
Wonder where you are.
Do I ever cross your sky?

Even in that wide vast blackness,
And the brilliance of the other twinkling lights,
Does that bright falling trail catch your eye?

As its white light falls out of sight,
My wish has been made.
A wish I know will probably never come true.

A moment of brilliance.

raggedy muse

9:12 PM I'm Not Your Angel, Nor Your Heaven.

Today was a very enjoyable day. (: Was finally able to spend time with a dear friend.

Met fang at clementi to buy groceries after a frantic message session of what we should do for the
day. How we wanted to play tennis but had no balls. How we to swim but she had no swimming suit. Swept past the aisles of NTUC buying spaggeti (oh my, i think i forgot how to spell spagetthi) noodles, pasta sauce, minced meat, mushrooms and 2 tomatoes. Yes, we were on a mission to burn my kitchen down in attempt to cook lunch for our hungry selves.

Cooking was fun, and it went very smoothly. Once again, like in sec 2 home economics, I had to take over the chopping up of the garlic. ALL TURNED OUT WELL, and it was goooood. So proud of ourselves.

We then decided that we had to go swimming. So I fished out my mother's old swimming costume which was psychedelic and neon with flowers on them. It was at least 10 years old i think. Fang ADAMANTLY refused to put it on, so i very graciously lent her my own normal-looking one and went swimming in the floral thing. I love my condo's swimming pools, their really nice and entertaining. It was like a return to our deprived childhood sliding down the slide, and giving each other imaginary tours of the pool, playing with all the water features.

I haven't swam in my pool for really long i think. Perhaps a year. Hated the hassle, getting my hair wet and chlorinated. But really, it was fun.

Finally got to do some catching up with with my dear friend in SIM now, really happy now. We really should do this more often. (;

raggedy muse

2:57 PM Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY.

Yesterday was spent at One ACS at queenstown stadium, Inventio group meeting back in school (finally, SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS), and Comm meeting at KAP. Went down to Far east with Jas, Rox and Schwa(who went on to the bookshop instead) for a while, before heading down to meet Mich Lai.

We walked all the way from Plaza Sing to the Arts House under my suggestion, looking at the most random of stuff on the way and tiring our legs out.

The plan was to watch 'Invisible City' by Tan Pin Pin. It has a limited screening there till this Sunday so go watch it! But, it was sold out for the night. We booked in advance to watch on Sunday instead. In the spirit of patriotism(yes!) and spport for the local arts scene, I do want to try to watch 881 by Royston Tan soon as well.

Mich Lai then proceeded to drag me into the weirdest of shopping complexes in along cityhall, at Peninsular and Excelsior, filled with foreign workers and the most authentic myanmese fare, shops which sell neon pink, green, yellow, and purple skinny jeans. There was actually some amount of cool stuff though.

She is forever dragging me into the weirdest places and situations. I remember her birthday treasure hunt in P5 (was it?), and trying to make a sandwich in the sand in the heaviest of rains in sentosa. And countless more.

--

There shall be fireworks today. I watched the fireworks... at least 4 times last year, at the international festival which was around the time of NDP. All of which with Alvin and co. At the Nat Day preview, at the Esplanade. At the time of a significant point in my life. I caught the fireworks by accident again this year at the Arts Fest opening, again with Alvin and Fang.

A year has passed. Now that was fast.

I still remember how I was so close to the sparks falling after they burst, it was almost as if you could feel the heat of those sparks sprinkle across your face. I remember how I was almost scared that it would burn me at first, but then realised that right before it fell into the crowds, it was all but a wisp of smoke.

I remember how each time it burst, something inside ached. An emptiness that the brilliance only served to accentuate in stark contrast. A cruel juxtaposition.

I remember how its exuberant brilliance made me smile, rather grin from ear to ear, and how I couldn't help but do so. It was as if each time the fireworks burst something ignited and melted inside my heart. God, it sounds so cliche but it was true, at least at that particular moment.

So much has changed since. But I doubt my love for the beauty of the Cityhall, Clark Quay and Esplanade area at night will ever die. I still think its one of the most beautiful places in Singapore.

Its been a year now, since I first started posting here. The first few posts were about watching the fireworks and NDP. Its come one full circle no? :)

a year in retrospect.

raggedy muse

11:43 PM The Women Don't Get It.

JOSH.! Watermelon juice should be drunk cold says:
the only things i'd call beautiful are buildings, cars, women
but out of the 3, cars are the most
plus it's the only category that has a brand and a model name

♥ ling I Want To Jump And Reach The Sky, And Never Fall Back Down Again. says:
well fine, marry a car then

JOSH.! Watermelon juice should be drunk cold says:
it's not considered a legal union

♥ ling I Want To Jump And Reach The Sky, And Never Fall Back Down Again. says:
-.-

JOSH.! Watermelon juice should be drunk cold says:
and it would have to depend on my cash
i'd only marry a lamborghini
or something in that league
including bugatti veyron, ford GT and pagani zonda

--

Joel says:
your friend has got his priorities right.

♥ ling I Want To Jump And Reach The Sky, And Never Fall Back Down Again. says:
sighhhhhhh
is that really what men think!

Joel says:
do you see me ogling more at girls or cars?

♥ ling I Want To Jump And Reach The Sky, And Never Fall Back Down Again. says:
cars.
cars win without a fight.

Joel says:
haha. see.

The women don't get it. And never will.

raggedy muse

11:10 PM On A Less Cryptic Note.

Just had dinner with the extended family, both sides of the grandparents, uncle and little cousin. Under this huge red and white tent, with our national flag hanging from every two steel poles. 1400 people in tables of ten.

With national day songs such as 'Home' playing in the background, not-so-effectively bilingual hosts and speakers, tiny flags for every person. Three rounds of 'Yum-seng' and ten courses of chengting, sharksfin, chicken broth, deep-fried prawns, kong ba pao, and a slice of our nation's birthday cake.

My grandparents are so cute I swear. And my ah-gong is gonna give us watches.

And finally a time when my slight prowess in Hokkien comes into use. Its fun speaking Hokkien. It does sound a bit crude no doubt, but its all the more, homely.

I wonder how many more of such dinners we will have. Many more to come perhaps. Not so many maybe.

Already mummy doesn't see her parents often enough, like perhaps once a year. Or twice. She's not setting the best example for us kids, no? Daddy makes a lot more effort. We see our paternal grandparents once a week without fail. Sunday dinners usually.

Did I mention we won the lucky draw? We got a package of Shokubutsu bath foams, facial washes, Mama lemon dishwashing liquids, toothbrushes and toothpastes, all household sized. Much more useful then those big hampers with who-knows-what in them.

My Greek essay is far from finished. So is my econs essay.

WRITE WRITE WRITE CHURN CHURN CHURN.

raggedy muse

4:31 PM We'll Never Be Victim Enough.

Bang Bang is over, with two great runs (somewhat yes (:). As our first FULL J1 production, its something to be proud of. Beams.

Had the most existential talk with Rox, starting from the toilet to outside the Substation on two white plastic chairs against the wall. It would not have made any sense to anyone passing by, because the words we used were so vague it would fly above anyone's head. Madam was highly amused by it listening to part of our conversation.

The conversation started off with me wanting to talk about 'something'. And she immediately got it, whether or not I truly meant it. And it progressed to 'how do you know what something is it', 'is it not what you want to talk about', in knowing tones. It then went on to 'How much DO you know', and 'I know alot, much in fact'.

'I know a lot more than people think I do.'

It was about what I knew, what she knew, what she knew I knew, how I got to know it, what others thought she didn't know, what I'm glad others didn't know.

How if it were the other way round, and 'she' knew what I knew in turn, how 'she' would feel what I am feeling now.

Perhaps 'she' does know, perhaps 'sh'e does feel the same way I do, but at least 'she' doesn't know to extent I do.

It was a most unfortunate way of knowing. And neither of the people directly involved know I know. And yet, my knowing is still at its most supercial.

I know now. I still don't know.

And despite knowing, it hasn't changed anything much, as it possibly should.

What has changed however, is the intensity of how I'm affected by it.

And no one can know. It is what you can't know.

'I know. Because I can't know right? I still do care, alright?'

LET me not mar that perfect dream

By an auroral stain,

But so adjust my daily night

That it will come again.