And I'm Feelin' Good

Tiredofwaitin'

HIT ME.

		YINLING ♥ \| \| Birds flying high You know how I feel Sun in the sky You know how I feel Reeds driftin' on by You know how I feel It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good

CHATTERBOX DECLARATIONS Let me think for a bit eh WISHFUL hmm ~~hmm~~ more hmmm RUNAWAY In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight REWIND August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 June 2009 CREDITS Desiger/edited by: Milk shakeee Basecode: doughnutcrazy Music: LALALA! Icon: Picture Cbox: Tag		raggedy muse 4:31 PM I'm not a good girl! MY INNOCENT MASK tricked you all! okayyy... so i went to school as usual, you know, NEXT DOOR! WOOHOO! its like a hop, skip and a jump away from my nice cozy house in HERITAGE VIEW. i had a fun time at school, hanging out with the DEPpers and dill. You know, that busybody that keeps coming to our awesome AA1 class, like yesterday's assembly he sat with us cause his class SA3 couldn't fit in their designated place. So after school, cheryl and dill (da noob) came over to sleep and do stuff. He ate lots of chocolate, and cheryl slept like good piggy. We played that "i've never.." game and cheryl kept telling us how she was such a "GOOD" girl. I think dill is hiding something! he keeps avoiding awkward questions like "do you have girlfriend?". So, we went to meet daddy, dill was so nervous. He wanted to run away from meeting my daddy, cause daddy > dillon. HAHA! P.S. er, guess who wrote this entry? HAHA. raggedy muse 11:05 AM Can I Have A Banana Pancake In Between My Dreams? He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not My Unbreakable Un-Rustable Un-Fading Cloisanne Heart Pardon me for the lack of cohesive writing the past 2 entries. Just that life has been rolling on smoothly with not much emotional trauma or moments of retrospect or reflection. Which could just be a very good thing in fact, just that my blog gets a little mundane and unstylised, which is what i am aiming for. but why in the first place should i? possibly because i would like this place to reflect me as un-mundane and stylised. ok, i'm rambling off again. whee. I've been enjoying life these few days. Loves my class (AA1 AWESOME) for all the loudness and craziness, bimbotism (due to the abundance of girls per se and drama girls (:) Life has been filled up by class and drama basically. School, DEP, rehearsals, dinner with drama people, watching performances with DEPpers. We watched the first Chinese Opera performed entirely in English with accompaniment by a Western Orchestra i.e. ACJC Strings Ensemble. It was of credible quality, but the singing to chinese melodies in translated english was well, odd. Perhaps more effort could have been put into the translating of the lyrics. Not that the English came out weird or ungrammatical or anything, but more like the translation didn't fit in melodical rhythm. It sounded quite unnatural. It was more in prose form then poetic lyrical form. But they had to rewrite all the melodies for western orchestra and all the veteran chinese opera actors had to get used to performing in English. Must say it was a commendable effort. Met up with fangfangfang for dinner and doing-nothing at cityhall esplanade and brought new friend dillon along. dillon is such a nice boy, but is a noob. ( you reading this dillon? haha.) ah, haven't been there in a pretty long time. and then i took 106 home with fang, something which we haven't done in sometime. (bout of nostalgia) I'm slowly realising, that all my worry about my friends forgetting about me, or us drifting apart has been unfounded. Sure, we might be spending school time at different parts of singapore, but honestly, how big can singapore get. we will still hang out, albeit in lesser frequency. We will still have the same amount of comfort level around each other, i will still call shan 'CEW CEW' and fang 'FANGFANGFANG', and fang will still run away from my hugs and make disgusted faces at me. On another note, I HEARD ALVIN'S VOICE ON THE COMP. HAHAAHAA. alright, now i just need to get a mike so that he doesn't have to speak to himself. the wonders of technology. Skype is one funny thing. Random people from around the world come and talk to you. raggedy muse 10:19 PM He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not i just miss my darlings. went out with shanny and noo this evening. NAPPED at home first wahahaaa. shan is a crazy girl, going for BOTH touch rug and bball training. aches and pains. guess what we saw at Orchard MRT. a pool of blood (like seriously) in front of the atm machine, and a trail leading into the mrt station. disconcerting. i have been very dislocated in my thinking these few nights. bleh. bye. raggedy muse 10:40 PM Brainless Cam Whore Extravaganza. although i look dumb in this photo, but well, haven't put up photos in a horribly long time so here we go. added to the fact that i am bored now. hmm, my nose looks disfigured. thats anna beside me by the way. in my uniform yes. yah im wearing the ACS badge even though my hair's in the way. we were cam whoring in the jap cafe with mich lai spectating. yes my ac badge. 'Alvin' the Whale which Alvin The Whale gave us. my hair has been getting brown-er and brown-er (if there's such a word). its bleaching itself for some reason. i think its the washing and shampoo. should change to the colour-lock sorts, or im gonna get caught very soon. no one used to notice my hair was dyed. well well. beginning to settle down in ac. probably should stay. the only thing getting in the way is 'the grass is greener on the other side' complex. aside from the fact that i would have to reacquaint myself to a new environment again, should i try to go back? probably not. blehh. they're lit text seems more interesting. man i need to start taking photos again. the only thing is my vid cam is so bulky to carry around. i only have a vid cam. now get ready to be freaked. i'm on an agenda to destroy my image completely. THIS WAS A TOTALLY POINTLESS RUBBISH POST. raggedy muse 7:49 PM Let's Chase Trains Around Our Heads. Tell me. Tell me. Should I say good-bye? Good-bye. But I cannot bear your face. I see it floating away. It's passing this train. Passing this train. I'm the only one who still sees you. Will I just be forgotten, a stranger on the train. I know this because I was looking at her, as the train silently rumbled on to its next destination, as the world continued to move as we stopped in time, as the sands of the time stopped flowing; just for a little while, just for the two of us. I do not know because I no longer looked at her, as I stepped off the train, allowing the world to become the place once again, allowing the emotions to be nothing more than words. There is this romantiscm associated with trains. Its constantly mobile nature, going round and round, its ethereal yet constant texture. Its always there, going each day stop by stop, destination by destination, yet through its doors people move in and out, momentarily making an impact on some other passengers life and instantly disappearing from it. A face in the crowd at the train station, that took you and caught your breath. They are also often associated with 'leaving' or even returning home and to loved ones, leaving on a west bound train into the unknown, suggesting a rather old fashioned, traditional mellow feel, as compared to leaving on a jet plane. Much like the falling leaf, we just love romantising our essential everyday mode of transport. And so do I. You would never have guessed who I saw on the train today. I would never have guessed who I saw on the train today. I did not know her. She did not know me. We were less than aquaintances, but she was more than just another face in the sea of ever-changing passengers. I knew her by name, by photographs, but also in a few more ways than can be put into words. But I had never met her, spoke to her, or so much as pass by her on a crowded street one night. She boarded the carriage, and her clothing was what attracted my attention at first. It was unique and stylish, a striped black and white long tee, a ruffled black skirt. My first thought was that I could never pull that look off for my butt was big, my legs not long enough. Not that I feel inferior about the way I look, just plainly acknowledging the fact that that sort of clothing will not look good on me. Then I looked up, and saw a strangely familiar face. I instantly recognised it, as if I were gazing at it on the computer screen as I had before. She looks better than she does in photos, lankier, slimmer and sweeter-looking. I think she noticed me staring at her a few times, but many people like to people-watch on trains, so it wasn't a big deal. She had no inkling of who I was. Its odd, that I probably would have met her and gotten to know her. If things had turned out slightly differently. I probably was supposed to, just that she couldn't make it that day. She was the one that I hadn't met. The last day. Before. She probably had heard of me, some way or another. Or perhaps not. She might not have known or remember my name. She probably doesn't know how I look like. As the batch of passengers alighted, she moved into the inner portion of the carriage, right in front of me, chatting with her friend in mandarin. I might have gotton to know her. I might have. It might have. It could have. And it all didn't happen. She alighted. What did happen, was out of all the days, timings and trains that one could have taken, out of all the carriages that we both could have taken, we happened to take the same one. For that fateful 5 minutes at 6.30pm on the train towards cityhall on the red line. 2 people unaffiliated, yet linked. And her absent presence, Once again reminded me. How near, yet so infinitely far you are. And if, I will one day see you on the train. What then? raggedy muse 10:09 PM All In The Name Of Self Preservation All in the name of Self-Preservation, I Isolate. I Eliminate all remote opportunities of Hurt penetrating me. In Myself, I find my only Solace. In Myself, I creep in Absence. I Engulf. And I Wither. raggedy muse 8:59 PM Inspiration Zero very low on inspiration today. DEP's been great and packed and pro. Had physical conditioning class today. Affective Atheleticsm (pardon me if the spelling is screwed) My OG is still going strong. Some went swimming today while we spectated. I've become a constant crasher of mich lai's og cos of anna and bryan and mich lai. We need to get our difficult script down or we will DIE for NOL. its funny. There are 2 guys in my class of 23. Go figure. Whee. Sad. HAHA. its ok Mark, we won't PMS at you all at the same time. you'll be fine. I on the other hand feel like i'm back in a girls school. I would like to be thrown into an all guys class. Hmmm, what would that be like? But as someone warned, being surrounded by lots of estrogen is better than being surrounded by lots of testosterone. Zoning Out. raggedy muse 1:43 PM All The Promises We Make And Break. whee, im home for the beeeeggg break between KI and DEP. we're having physical class today for DEP, we're gonna DIE. D-I-E. or so our instructors like us to believe, haha. which is good, i'll keep in shape through DEP. how cool is that. i'm growing fat, i think. too much eating. haha. KI seems intriguing so far. Hopefullyfingers crossed i get the specific teacher i would like to get, or it will be boring. The same goes for the rest of my subjs. FINGERS CROSSED Lit tchers are interesting so far, econs erm okay, DEP is DEP. I think i am actually beginning to settle down in ac. hmm. went out with bryan and joshua yesterday to go get stationery, though we didn't actually achieve much from the trip, it was nice bonding and relax time. bryan is amusing and, very interesting. so far the most interesting in ac i have met. waha. he has the ability to talk non-stop to himself. man, i hope i get a nice class. bleh. we'll know tmr. i have time to go take a nap. I don't want to memorise my script, though i'll probably regret it later. bleh. okie, i'll sleep half an hour, memorise half an hour. signing off here and now, a senseless boring post. raggedy muse 10:41 PM And I Haven't Stopped Loving You, Have You Heard? wanjoo. says: ling ♥ me You Know I'm Such A Fool For You ♫ says: before all of u forget that i exist or something <------------- ehh too late. wanjoo. says: ling ♥ me On A One Way Ticket To Hell ♫ says: im hurt, am i forgotten already? <------------- yepp ! ling ♥ me On A One Way Ticket To Hell ♫ says: sobs wanjoo. says: one day i asked sian ying , "have you heard about yinling?" and she said, "who?" ling ♥ me On A One Way Ticket To Hell ♫ says: WHAT?! OH MY wanjoo. says: HAHAHAHAHA ling ♥ me On A One Way Ticket To Hell ♫ says: IM HURT HURT HURT VERY HURT bleeeehhhhhhhhh. SOBS. wanjoo. says: HAHAHAH IM KIDDING KIDDING KIDDING VERY KIDDING raggedy muse 8:32 PM Bimbo Cheer Aldaron's signature cheer. Not my og, but my og was even crazier. waha. raggedy muse 8:31 PM AC WARRIOR some og dared their ogl to lead ac cheers in the jap cafe at the sports complex. waha. i'm on a ac orientation blog hopping spree. a rather belated one i must say. raggedy muse 5:57 PM A Tad Bit Of Loneliness My social circle has been growing at a fair enough speed, my og, mich lai's og people, DEP and ACSian theatre people (who overlap alot) and a few other random people. I would say.. not all that bad for the only girl from my school over there and progressing from knowing er 4 people at the beginning.(counts mich lai, anna wang, jessica tan i.e. primary school mates, and sam i.e. a certain someone's someone, melvin chew doesn't count for he hasn't exactly turned up in school) However despite the growing number of acquaintances, I have still yet to find: A Friend. My definition of A Friend: - Sticking together in group activities - Waiting specifically for each other to eat, go home, go to the toilet etc. - Have more than 5 minutes of polite blabber to talk about to each other at one go. Perhaps I just can't exactly seem to click with them for some odd and unexplained reason.Perhaps I need more time. Perhaps I don't know enough people. But usually i do not take more than a day or a few days to find at least one Friend. But at the least there have been enough activities to sustain some kind of fullness to my dwindling life. Lots of auditions, Movie Under The Stars (spent with our og (:, which turned out to be Movie Under The Aircon due to the rain), ACSian Theatre Orientation Games, just today. It seems that being in DEP automatically earns you some place in some kind of exclusivity and identity. It appears that we do stand out as DEP students amongst everyone else. But i have yet to feel it too strongly as school hasn't switched into full-swing gear as yet. And wow does DEP have a really packed programme. We will be preparing for new productions every 5 weeks, we will be watching MANY MANY productions,including King Lear with Ian McKellen in it this year (!!!!)(apparently DEP pays for us, whee), if i stay till then. And our latest production will be Night Of Laughter playing on the 9th and 10th of Feb(!!!!!). Yes. Not to worry, tickets for all my dear friends. And besides the lack of Friends, there has been a nagging thought in my head. That i will slowly be forgotten, or already have been by my dear friends, replaced by new OG mates, classmates and school mates. I do know for certain, that some will unlikely forget me as yet. However for others, I am not so sure. And i inherently fear, our friendships will dwindle and fade. Or at least, take a backseat somewhere in the background. I have gotten over the feeling of being left-out, missing out what ever fun my other friends are having. My fear and loneliness now is far more basic. I fear, not finding new friends. I fear, losing old friends. I truly do. However on the same note, as a disclaimer to all those out there who care for me,however little or great in abundance they may be, its really not all that bad. The loneliness isn't eating me up inside and killing me bit by bit, and i'm far from depressed. I know I will either go back to RJ, reunite with all my dear lovelies and acquire new friends whom i will likely click with, in an environment i will feel comfortable in, OR stay in AC and benefit my portfolio immensely by staying and contributing to the illustrious DEP and ACSian theatre where I will either live out my school life with enough acquaintances and Mich Lai to sustain a fairly fufilling time, or make new great friends while at it. 2 years is really short. So either way, it'll be over soon enough. So i'll just try to make the very best out of it. So well. p.s. i am not ready for school. i have yet to get new school shoes, school bag, files and stationery etc. bleh. and i need to read and try memorising my Night of Laughter script. p.p.s. i have sent an email to RJ VP. still no reply as yet. raggedy muse 10:23 PM Will You Still Love Me In The Morning? You know I'm such a fool for you, Do you have to let it linger? raggedy muse 2:08 PM If Only. If, And Only If. I really would like to say that i love it at ac. i'm having fun there, relatively. my og mates are great, we slack and stone together. we play badminton during our blocks of free time. hee. acsian acting and dance auditions yesterday, which were fun, i suppose. i got casted in 'Night of Laughter' but not in West Side. We all love our OGL Wei Jian. Bet sianying would be very fascinated with him if she knew him. She seems to have a fascination over interesting nerd types. but well. i really just want to go back. i think i am being too whiny. but at least i didnt whine much in school today. can i sigh? SIGH. please please please rj want me back. but i suppose if they don't, maybe its some sort of sign. that it was not meant to be. and ac might provide me with an array of different and enriching experiences. that the reasons i chose ac in the first place will all be worth it. i suppose i do believe in fate. and i do believe that what's meant to be will be. but at the same time, i believe we should all at least try our very best, till fate shows itself to us. so i'm gonna try my very bast to go back to rj. we'll see what happens now shall we. i shall go take a nap before i go back to school for acsian vocal auditions. heh. the advantages of living so damn near to school. whatever happens, i'm not gonna let my time now in ac go to waste. raggedy muse 4:50 PM Path, Please Be Lit Before Me. This I Pray. All i really want right now, is to go somewhere, where i can truly settle down, feel comfortable in, and start to concentrate on studying. I don't want to fall behind, and have no intention of screwing my A levels up. 2 years is hella short. Please call me back very soon RJ VP. raggedy muse 3:31 PM I Am A Casualty Of War. My title has absolutely nothing to do with my post. i need to go back to RJ before i die of sian-ness in AC. I MISS RAFFLES. Crashing RJ Orientation Night made me realise how much it feels like home in RJ. However dumb and cliche i know it freakin' sounds. And how much i don't feel i belong in AC. I was so distracted and unable to concentrate during today's lectures i surprise even myself. Its not that i dont have friends in AC. Its just... no one i can 'click' with. or clique with. I have michelle lai and og mates. But still. I don't feel i belong there. Even after the high-ness of orientation and all. And... its really S I A N, to go directly to school and directly home simply because i live SO NEAR. LIKE SOOOOO NEAR. i will soon cultivate a very loser-ish life. And supposedly, i am called the 'missing sheep' in my 'supposed' class in RJ. Which sounds pretty good. I met a few people from crashing RJ who were supposed to be my classmates. lala. And as you have seen, i have finally made my very very very late decision. But better late than never, and better have tried than never knowing what could have been or would not have been. Its a bit of a shame to have missed L'audemus, but i do not regret it. And this time i can FINALLY firmly say - I know what i want. Its been one big circle, one wild goose chase in the quest of finding a suitable dwelling for me, and i may seem DAMN DUMB, but i feel that my actions were not unjustified, and believe i have no need to feel ashamed or dumb. Maybe its just cause i am thick-skinned. Not everyone may understand my choice, but well.. Its my life, and its now or never. (WAHAHA) Now the only problem left in the way is - Whether RJ wants me back. AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. raggedy muse 4:24 PM Tsk Tsk. FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: O... I'M SLEEPING WITH THE WHALE AND HEART ON MY BED hehehe bet FX will scream ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here ♫ says: REALLY?? YAY! YAY! im poor no money for private tutor can i have a private whale for zero cost instead? FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: in bed ! =) hehehehe ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here ♫ says: -.- FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: pls part of u is already IN bed with me ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here ♫ says: HAHAHA FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: how much harder does it take to move the remaining parts of u with me ? =) ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here ♫ says: VERY. FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: bleah ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here ♫ says: lalaalaa. FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: u aint making sense and again, when u say VERY.. I KNOW U MEANT TO SAY...hehehe ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here ♫ says: whatttt. FIRE FIRE FIRE !!! says: u noe i love u all, and if not for that #^%&#$^ STINKY.... I'D BE ... haha kidding tsk. STINKY, your whale hor. hahahaa. i have nothing to do with it. i made the whale a soft toy whale and heart. heh. i named the small whale he gave all of us 'Alvin'. HAHA. Now dear, just don't sue me for defamation or something. MEGAWATT SMILE. raggedy muse 12:15 PM* Torn Between Two, My Love Triangle. ACJC Orientation 2007 has been pretty fun. Lots of getting muddy (really REALLY muddy), getting soaked, cheering our asses off, dancing them off (campfire, we danced the mass dance like, 20 times or something). Campfire was damn high. It was a real fire. WHO ARE WHO ARE WHO ARE WE, WE ARE VALKERIES. WOOO~! (peace out sign, weijian came up with it, lol) love my ogls, melodie and wei jian. wei jian is super amusing and damn funny. he's a freakinggeek as he calls himself, really quite odd and weird, but he dares so much to be himself that we just like him. BREAK DANCE! wooo. he's pseudo break dance or rather parody of one is really popular among everyone. wahahaa. melodie's bimbo shrieks and image-ruining burps is da <3. hahaha. cheering is fun, esp the rebuttals, which rafflesians are not used to. we've been ingrained with the notion that there should not be ANY boo-ing, that it is BAD. well, friendly boo-ing is fun! hahahaa. point to note: try not to stand between 2 tall barker boys when cheering needing to link shoulders. i had to tip toe while cheering. imagine if i were sianying's height. HEH. But hell, I am suffering from Raffles withdrawal. I miss my home. that's the most appropriate name, 'Home'. Sigh. I have yet to feel i BELONG to AC. i have this semi-conscious urge to go back to the secure familiar environment where all my great friends are dwelling and having fun without me in it. Mich likened my dilemma to a love triangle, as if i am choosing between 2 boyfriends. (HA.) Well, its kinda hard to fall in love with someone/something/someplace in 4 days i suppose, even though it proves to be fun and different, also something that i am not used to. I miss the old one, the attachment is great. I'm gonna give it some time, have a look at how my class is like and how cca is. But i'm sure as time passes, i'll be more inclined to stay in ACJC. so EXTRA to go back to RJ. hah. but i have never been all so afraid of being extra, have i? wheeee. GAHHHH. I MISS ALL OF YOU. MAVIS, I WANT TO SEE WHO UR CRUSH IS. SHAN, SIANYING, FANG, JOO, NOO, ZERUI. AHHHHHHHHH. AHHHH. I WANT TO JOIN U ALL. why can't i have the best of both worlds? SOBS. raggedy muse 11:17 PM AHHHHHHHHHH. yes. AHHHHHHHHH. some people think i am brave. some probablt think i am dumb. anyhow, no backing out now. and i'll be fine. i'm sure. i'm gonna take lester's advice and turn on the charm and make as many friends as possible, fast. haha. and alvin's gone. i spent the day bumming and sleeping at his house with lester and eddie, then a horribly long bus ride to changi airport. we left fang to fend for herself with his parents. :D SCHOOL'S STARTING TMR. AND I NEED TO SLEEP. wanjoo. forever and a day says: yeah. youll be fine AURHIAEURHAEUHATOAE i cant believe we're going to diff schools tmrw. god raggedy muse 11:27 PM I'll Be BAACCKK. Muahaha. wanjoo. says: EWWW wanjoo. says: ARRRRRGHHHHh NOOOO ling ♥ me the same old fears, wish you were here says: haha wanjoo. says: YINLING. STOP HAUNTING US. GO AWAY raggedy muse 9:44 PM Oooohh, Scandalous. With just 24hrs more... says: hehehe HUGS U NOE I LOVE U ssshh..dun tell..u noe who ling ♥ me and did i tell you that i love you tonight? says: HAHAHA i love you too darling sighhh. it'll be hard to continue my 'secret' affair with the whale any longer. orientation is in 2 days, but too distracted by alvin's leaving to be excited or apprehensive about it. my OGL called. she sounded really tired. Im in Aldarion (Valkyrief) , some kind of grouping. but i think im anxiously waiting to see how it will be like, if my RAFFLES uniform will prove to be.. well, we'll see. but i am hopeful that it wont matter that much. i'm hopeful for what lies ahead of me. i think i might be looking forward to it. WE MUST ALWAYS HAVE HOPE AND FAITH. OR SO I TRY VERY HARD TO CONVINCE MYSELF AND SUCCEED MOST OF THE TIME. AND ALVIN DARLING. WE'LL MISS YOU SO. HUUUGGGGSSSSS. though my handmade gift doesn't quite look like what it's supposed to be, quite disfigured, but.. its the thought and effort that counts riitteeeeeeeeee?? (:(: -- i like this song. has a real nice drama effect, very stage-feel. do i even make sense? not quite i suppose. lol. booty poppin! i just like it. raggedy muse 12:43 AM Goddammit. Seriously, I cannot believe how much I miss you. I miss you. You hear me?

L-O-V-E